Self Denigration

Last six years of my life have been filled with self-denigration during considerable chunk of my solitude and those innumerable moments when I live with myself. There were some brief periods when I went into the folds of self-pity too. I think I did manage to escape that somehow, lest it would have been a bigger disaster.

There were/are countless moments when I wrote in my diary and typed on the computer, one of Sir Winston Churchill's quote, "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts"

True, every person when compared to a higher achiever or more successful person look smaller in stature and persona, so where to draw the line?

There have been long periods, when few people around me rattled me both in my professional and personal lives, even when I came to peace with myself and my capabilities. This has been particularly a source of discomfort and motivator too. Among all things, I personally believe that I do have positive attitude towards life in general, though I am highly volatile, complacent, laid back and over a period of time become less ambitious.

While I would certainly not give myself a distinction, I can certainly not agree that I don't deserve the pass mark. Two years ago,  I wrote a poem in Telugu about Failure(ఓటమి) and it seems to have become as much inspiration to me as the Churchill's quote.

Back to Pen and Paper

Laziness and procrastination are the most pervasive and destructive entities that have hurt my evolution as an individual. Countless thoughts have gone uncrystallized as sentences because of these two devils that got themselves permeated in my existence. Over a period of time, like many of us, I lost the habit of using pen and paper. As a result, I lost lot of occasions to capture my unsaddled thoughts, especially when I travel. Travel has always inspired me to introspect and write but unfortunately I wouldn't take the computer and type them out. So, after long periods of deliberation, I have decided to go back to old school - pen and paper. This gives me an added advantage to edit my sentences before I publish them on my blog.

Why I love Dr. JP - Part I

Back to the days when I was a small kid. I used to see this ad once in a while.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYgfmcwl14o

I was so small I could not understand what Nagarjuna was saying except the word 'Loksatta' in the end.

I am a great lover of folklore and socio-fantasy movies. As a child I used to die for them. Every Saturday, the night show in ETV would be of this genre. But before the show, there was a half an hour program called 'Prathidwani' The biggest challenge in my life was to not go into sleep during this half an hour. I knew that once the movie starts, I would not get sleep. Invariably, I used to go into sleep watching this boring show. There was one person standing and asking questions to some experts and the audience as well. I used to wonder, who this standing man 'Jayaprakash Narayan' was. I only remember watching one show which I could understand a little, that was related to children's studies. This show still runs in ETV2, albeit in a modified form. Today when Aamir Khan conducts 'Satyameva Jayate' millions watch it and praise him. But a show on public debate nearly 20 yrs ago when there was only one Telugu channel apart from the state sponsored Doordarshan is no small thing in my opinion.

Fast Forward to the days after I started working as a individual. I spent all my formative years, as a student, in a place that is far more perfect than the world I live in today. It advocated that it is the society's combined responsibility to provide education and health care to one and all.We had dignity of labour; caste and language barriers made no sense to us. We were taught in class and through practical living, to believe in brotherhood of Man and fatherhood of God. But, when I passed out of my college, I saw a world markedly different from where I studied. A churning process started within me and numerous questions started haunting me. I thought these questions had no answers, these problems no solutions. Then I heard this man JP once again. And, he had the solutions to most of the problems that haunted me. However, there seems to be a different problem haunting this man; the public not getting convinced of his solutions.

To be continued ...